Biolo-grump.

5:45pm, Monday, August 26th, 2013.

Me: "I don't want to go to school..I'm so sick of school."

Boyfriend: "It's only your second day.."

That pretty much sums up my evening.

Approximately 75 minutes later, I was helplessly seated in my Biology lab.  It was here I would be humbled to the pits of next-to-nothingness.  How is it that within the first 4 minutes of class, everyone else seemed to know the answer to "who knows why plant cells are green?"  Did I miss the part where the professor explained to us that chlorophyl absorbs every color except green, and thus reflects it off of itself*?  Yeah, apparently I did.  Apparently I was supposed to remember those things from the last biology class I took.  In 9th grade.  And apparently this information is pertinent to my future in the medical field. Plants. Chlorophyl. Green.

And microscopes.  Don't get me started on microscopes.  Do you look through both ocular fields simultaneously? Open one eye, close the other? Which one do I keep open? Wait, I don't even know if one is supposed to be closed. It's not in focus. WHY IS NOTHING IN FOCUS? What am I looking at? No seriously, WHAT am I looking at?  Great, the illumination was turned up to 6; now I'm blind. *sound of my corneas sizzling*

But you want to know what I'm great at?  I'm great at keeping tally-count of how many times the professors says "k" in lecture.  How do you get certified to teach when your tally count is up to 93 in a minutes and a half. That's more than a "k" a second. What even..?

*How do I suddenly know this? Because I raised my hand like a neanderthal, and asked #wtfeveryoneistalkingabout.

Back to school..

I graduated college in 2011.  But as of today, I'm officially a student again.

End goal: cut people open, stitch them back up.

Well, technically that's a lie. I want to deliver babies.  But from what I hear, there's some cutting involved in that, too. Alright, too much detail..

Moving on.

For some reason this requires a few lame chemistry pre-requisites.  I am terrible at science.  Did I mention how terrible I am at science?  Because I'm pretty terrible at science.

Things learned from the 110 minutes I spent in Chemistry tonight:

1) Don't touch open flames. Duh.

2) Don't drink hydrochloric acid. Or any acid. Or anything involved in experiments, for that matter. Duh.

3) Even though we've made it to college (I guess I've made it to college twice now..) these things still need to be explained in lengthy detail. Then you have that kid in the back of the class who questions everything. "Is fire hot? Why is acid bad? But I did acid at a party last weekend and..oh..never mind, wrong acid.  Well can I drink the distilled water that's been sitting in this drawer for years? What if I'm thirsty..?"*

4) I can't pay attention to lectures because my professor has a thick Indian accent and all I can focus on is how he annunciates words like "hazardous" and "experiments".  Those x's and z's. English, you're so tricky.

5) Actually, I take back number 4.  I can't pay attention to lectures because I have the attention span of a first-grader.  The accent is merely a justification.

6) It took me 25 extra minutes to do my lab tonight because I couldn't begin until I adequately doodled the title of the experiment for my paper-heading.  Took me 4 tries before I kept the piece of paper I ended up working on.  But come-freaking-on. How do you make "graphical analysis of experimental data" look pretty? #artistproblems

7) The kid sitting behind me thought 200 was 93% of 330.  Dude, you're not even close..and I can tell you that without even consulting my TI-89.

8) It's going to be a long semester.

*made these up, but let's face it, someone was thinking it.

Midsummer Night

(stole this title from Kandyce, whoops)

I'm going to be blunt: I am friends with some of THE most talented individuals.

This weekend we all decided to collaborate our talents and create some beautiful photos based off of Miss Kandyce Carroll's amazing floral skills.  Her and I sat on my bed earlier this week and discussed her vision; dark, moody, boho.  And from there, our idea continued to grow bigger and bigger.

Hair/Make-up: Jennifer Arguello (jennifer.arguello2@gmail.com)

Flowers: Kandyce Carroll

Models: Ceara, Tasia, and myself.

Photographers: Tasia Jensen and myself

Wardrobe: Free People

Watercolor Typograpy

Alright, folks. Today I'm doing some shameless self-promotion.

Hand-lettered watercolor pieces made by yours truly.  I'll be compiling a large array of quotes/words/whatever I can think of, and making multiple prints of each, as well as taking custom orders.  As of now, these are available in two sizes: 9"x12" or 14"x17", with more options coming soon.

Mother's Day is coming up, wedding season is upon us, and we can all use something pretty to put up on our walls, right?

Planning on getting super creative with life in the next few weeks, so stay tuned.

Share this photo on IG (@nataliewall) or via blog and receive 10% off your order.



**If you want something before Mother's Day, email me stat. I leave the country on Wednesday, so I can have it done/shipped before then if you hurry**

nataliemorganwall@gmail.com

I'm running away and joining the circus. Problem(s) solved. It's decided.


Sidenote:  I'm in an aerial show this Saturday.

7pm
Murray Theather, Utah
Tickets are $10 at the door.

See you there.

What I've learned from nannying..

1) If you toot three times you have to go potty.

2) Flashing lights means you're in outer space.

3) Mac & Cheese is totally acceptable for breakfast.

4) You're not allowed to sing OR listen to music in the car.  It's just not okay.

5) Car seats can double as a jet pack.  Or space ship.  Or train.  Or airplane.  Basically any motorized vehicle.

6) "Lasterday" is a word that designates a given day in a period of time spanning from the moment it's used until..well..the beginning of time.

7) Any child who has light brown skin automatically speaks Spanish.  I learned this at McDonalds.  It may or may not have offended two Asian individuals.

8) The word underwear is funny to everyone and should be screamed during public outings.  If no one laughs, scream it again.  This may be substituted with the word boogers, as well.

9) Kids, even in their naivety and immaturity, are wise beyond their years.

Adulthood

7 things that make me happy to be an adult:

1) I can eat white chocoloate-covered Oreos for breakfast *stuffs one into mouth as she types*

2) I don't have to sneak out to go out at 3am.  Ehh. Who am I kidding? I'm asleep by 11pm every night.

3) Bills and responsibilities and taxes and..oh wait. Wrong list.

4) I can spend my money on cool things.  Next purchase: 64 pack of Crayolas. Con crayon-sharpener.

5) I accomplished a life-long goal of finishing a Cali-B* from Molcasalsa in one sitting.  And instead of gloating about how obese I was, I could blame it on my adult-sized tummy. Euphemisms.

6) If I don't feel like matching my clothes I simply call it creative expression.

7) Dessert before dinner.  And occasionally* in lieu of.


----Footnotes----
*California Burrito
*Still can't spell occasionally correctly on the first try, after 22 years of existence. Meh.

Dinosaurs, Drugs, and Best/Worsts..

Disclaimer: this post is a result of facebook comments and my lack of creativity coupled with a longing to write.

You know what I like? Dinosaur chicken nuggets.  They bring me back to my college days, when I'd eat dinner (round two) at about..3:41am.  Dino-nuggies are what I'd pull out of the freezer.  If I was feeling really fancy, I'd decorate the plate with ketchup palm trees #truestory.

Have you ever seen a dinosaur on drugs?  Me neither.  However, in my head, cavemen were totally hippies who consumed copious amounts of herbs - if you get what I'm saying #420.

Best dinosaur: Pterodactyl. Land Before Time's Petrie, anyone?!
Worst dinosaur: Barney.  I don't love you, and you don't love me, so stop singing about it on television.



I shouldn't be allowed to blog anymore. Rawfffffl.

"She lives the poetry she cannot write" - Oscar Wilde


o b s e s s e d.

Somehow I managed to drop 9 pounds in 4 days.  That somehow is not to be confused with anorexia or bulimia (although throwing up does play a part..).  I was sick.  I puked.  I just wasn't hungry.

After I started feeling better I was pretty stoked on the unintentional weight loss.  And pretty disappointed to say that in the last few days of unsickly sickness (sick again; this time with a cold..) I've managed to gain most of it back.  Curse you, Paradise Bakery.

Tuesday: Election Day

It's election day, and all I have to say about that is suddenly everyone thinks they're the next-best political editorialist for the NY Times.  Watching one youtube video on Obama or listening to your dad talk about Romney at the dinner table doesn't make you a political expert.  And quite frankly, I don't care to hear your opinion if it's uneducated.  Do you research, place your vote, and support whomever is elected into the Presidential position of this country (God bless their poor soul).

Well.  Off to aerial silks.  Oh, don't know if I mentioned: I like spending my free time hanging upside down in the splits and stuff.  It's pretty neat.  Original, right?

Monday

I have the attention span of a 6 year-old.  I remember sitting in my abnormal psychological development class my senior year in college, listening to the professor lecture on ADD symptoms straight out of the DSM* and thinking to myself "yep that's me".  Out of the nine criteria, an individual must present six.  I presented eight*.  However, you have to prove such symptoms were present before the age of 7.  There goes my chance of getting heavily medicated, right?  MOVING ON.  Long story short: I lose attention in projects and get easily distracted.  Often just by my own thoughts.  Which typically are the blueprints for another project #facepalm.  Now you see my dilemma?  Right now I have at least 9 unfinished drawings in the collection of about 5 art journals sitting on my nightstand, a half paper-mâché'd deer head sitting on my desk (started and abandoned two weeks ago), a photo catalog opened in Lightroom just waiting to be edited (from over a month ago; sorry Catherine..), and a three-quarter-eaten Cookies & Cream bar sitting beside me*.  I've tried making check-lists, hoping that'd help.  I start off strong: a list of tasks with their deadlines and a cute little box I can check upon completion.  However, I typically end up turning it into some fancy-letter-doodle via bottom half of blank page.  Take a picture.  Post it on Instagram.  Never look at it again.

Sigh.

-----footnotes-----
*Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders; aka snoozefest.
*Give or take three.  By which I mean take. 8 - 3 = 5. See.  Told you I was going to school for math.  BAM!
*Don't worry, that will be finished soon.

Sunday

[Photo: Natalie Wall]

There's a mouse in our house.  Well, actually he lives in our kitchen.  And I swear he only comes out when I'm in the kitchen.  And every time he does it's while I'm in the middle of doing something.  You know, important somethings:  pouring milk into my cereal, taking a bagel out of the toaster..life necessities.  Want to know what this mouse has taught me?

I can apparate.  Straight Harry-Potter-sans-portkeys disappear and reappear somewhere else.  

Because whenever that mouse comes out I end up in a different room faster than the time it takes to realize what's happening.

On a different note: we're supposed to get more snow this weekend.  Hopefully that puts Utah into a permanent winter season instead of this see-saw of warm and cold.

Resurrected

[Photo by Cory Devenney]

Last time we chatted I was hiding from the Big Bad Law School behind the facade of a snowbum.  Well, once and for all I ditched the ole' dreams of being an upper east-side litigator and fell into place with something much more Natalie-suited:
 *drum roll please*

Masters' in Mathematical Statistics.

Okay. How much geekier can I get when I say that I AM SO EXCITED *snort*.  I have to retake Calculus I, II, and III.  That whole fiasco starts in January.  Which leaves me balancing 4 jobs, 7 hours of aerial training a week (Wait, what? I decided I want to join the circus, nbd..), snowboarding, and school.

Having been the college kid taking 21 credits, working two jobs and commuting 2.5 hours each way to snowboard twice a week (Arizona, God rest your soul..), this should be no problem.  Newsflash to Natalie: You've gotten so lazy since then. You're going to die. A beautiful, mathematical, snowy death.

Celestial kingdom, you are mine.

2.28.12

Today I found a tree.
The tree quickly stole my heart,
because, you see, this tree was no ordinary tree.
This tree was a super tree.
So super that its branches provided the means of brief flight.
(Sidenote: I say brief because it was shortly followed by the realization that "look ma' no hands" results in flying backward off it's small wooden swing and subsequently equates to rolling down a hill. Whoops.)

Moral of the story:
Girl fell in love with tree, even after tree dispelled her.

The beginning of my hippie life.

2.27.12

Ah lately I've felt deprived of creativity. My mind just stares blankly at things, probably drooling brain slime out the side of its mouth, with a dumb-founded 'wtf' look along the right cerebral cortex. I wish there was some sort of self-reset button, or therapy group for this. I just want my brain back. You know..that weird brain that hears the word "Disneyland" and immediately thinks "Blue Bayou Restaurant, bread bowl, potato soup, cheddar cheese..!". Oh wait, that's my tummy, and clearly that still works as ridiculously as usual.


Men think with their ..(fill in the blank).
Women think with Pinterest.
Natalie (apparently falling neither under that category of men nor women..?) thinks with her tummy.

2.26.12

First blogpost of the year. I think I've lost about 100 followers, too. Cheers to the whims of keeping strangers happy on the interwebs. Clearly I fail at that. However, I sinceriously (ha!) miss having blogging as an outlet for creative writing/unguided ranting, so I'm thinking I'll start checking in a bit more now. I honestly blame the demise of my updating on Instagram (*PLUG* Follow me: nataliewall). I'll just post a happy assortment of big things that have been going on around these here parts via pictures for today, because my rhetorical ability to explain things in a way pleasing to the masses is rusty.



In other words: Managed to get score 17 stitches (hottest winter accessory, didn't you know?), met the bachelor, decided to stop brushing my hair (sinceriously), learned to fly (I kid, I kid), fell in love with life in Utah, gave my heart to a fine young gentleman.

139

On the second day of December, my true love said to me:
"Go dress up and waltz around Provo like you own the place because, let's face it..you do!"

Alright, so maybe I don't have a true love, and maybe he didn't say that to me. But I have a feeling my Chuck Bass doppleganger would say something of similar taste to get my spirits high. Sidenote: I'm joking; I'm a total Provo hermit.

But for real. Today = photoshoots and snow and cold air...and probably pneumonia. And I don't care, because I'M GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!! Finally.

138

Humpty Dumpty's last name was Wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Humpty Dumpty's first name was Natalie.
At least someone thought to Instagram it, yeah? Super important. Gotta' have the IG.

Well, I guess it's bound to happen when you devote every day of your life to fueling a passion in a sport that takes its victims ruthlessly. Luck of the draw. I don't actually remember any of what was going on (apparently I smile after regaining consciousness as shown in the picture above..?) or what happened leading up to it. Only have accounts from my friends who saw it. But yeah, from what I heard, I was jumping, spun, board caught an edge on some ice, hit my head pretty hard, tumbled a little, bam. Knocked out. Ski Patrol came, threw me on a stretcher, put me in the back of an ambulance, and that's where my memory kicks in. I just remember being told not to move because they didn't know if I had broken anything in my back/pelvis. Great way to regain memory, right? Luckily xrays came out clean. I can easily say that day was the most excruciating pain I've ever been in in my life. I couldn't walk. Doctors said no riding for 6 weeks. We'll see about that ;) I'm getting more and more back into the natural ability of things I took for granted: walking, sitting all the way down to pee (srsly!), being able to put my pants on, being able to put shoes on, being able to touch my toes.. but it's day 4 and those things are already starting to feel easier! I put pants on standing up today - yayy! Haha. Hoping to be back in a week. We'll see though. We'll see.

God is good, He is merciful, and I am indebted to Him. I love my Savior. I love the priesthood. And I love the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. These things are true.

137

Hello blog.
My name is Natalie Wall, I am 10+10+1 years young, residing in beautiful Utah, and - despite your justly preconceived notions - I haven't snowboarded off a lethal cliff (yet), suffocated in cupcakes, or gotten re-abducted by the stork. I am alive. I am neglectful. And I am sorry.

I will try to be better with this. I used to be good at it. Now..I just suck. And my life is boring.

Actually, that's a fallacy. Life has manged to be more interested and exciting than ever, and it's a shame I am too lazy to document it all. Just trust me when I say it is wonderful :)