The "Do's and Don't's" of Surviving Scottsdale:
Don't: Make eye contact. Scottsdaliens will see right through those faux-Michael Kors lenses of yours.
Do: Park in the back of the parking lot in the sun. Rapture would commence if a true Scottsdalien would have to march her (his?) Jimmy Choo's more than 23 feet on that hot asphalt. Who am I kidding? They utilize the parking garages..
Don't: Talk about how you spent your week's food allowance at Pei Wei in public. Us broke college kids are a blemish to the true race of successful business people who worked for every penny they earned.
Do: Assume most Scottsdalien women never worked a day in their life for fear of breaking a nail.
Don't: Use words like "sale", "thrift", and/or "secondhand". But most importantly, NEVER say the word "used". It's the Scottsdalien equivalent to the Crucio curse.
Do: Spend $4.25 on a cupcake and act like it was naw-big-deals-brah. Yes, that means no groceries for 3 days, but the six fork-fulls of heaven will be well worth the financially-imposed fast.
This is me eating up all the stereotypes the Scottsdale world has to offer. This is me on my last nerve. This is me 3 years past my tolerance level of superficial lifestyles. This is me ready to give it all up for the desolate company of the mountains.
This is also my ode to America. Hence the (coincidental) blue and red font. I've gone snowboarding for the 4th. Enjoy your holiday weekend.