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Dear rude anonymous posters,

Please stop leaving offenseive comments on the blogs of my friends and family. I'm sorry that you're not satisified with the way your life is going, or the people who have let you down. I'm sorry you covet the amazing accomplishments of those I care about. Perhaps instead of hiding behind nameless IP addresses you could go out and do something worthwhile for other people. My friends are beautiful and perfect in the bodies they possess. I wouldn't change anything about them--physically, mentally, spiritually. I'm sorry you feel otherwise.

Thanksmuch,
Natalie

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Dear Britney's wedding,

I am so excited to meet you in your glory. Ah. Did I mention I'm so excited? 4 days. Holy smokers. I take 8% credit in your demise. Kthanks.

<3,
Natalie

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Dear ABC News,

Can you focus on something a little more optimistic? Everytime I turn you on I become THIS much closer to buying a bulletproof bubble and 5-grade alarm system. And adopting all the abused children in the world. And changing my major to forensic studies in order to cage up all the freaks. Yeah.

Love,
Natalie

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Dear Campbells Soup,

Why you gotta' be so gooood?

Sincerely,
Natalie